ENM Dating Profile Pitfall #3: Being a Bummer

This is a pretty quick post, because I think we all intuitively understand that being a bummer is, well, a bummer. While the people who love us (hopefully) have a deep well of patience for us in our less effervescent moments, the strangers we are trying to get dates with don’t owe us that grace and empathy! So it’s wise to put a good foot forward, even if that foot is a hoof because you are literally Eeyore.

Filling your profile with complaints: I hate my job, I hate my parents, I hate everything on TV, I hate Congress, I hate capitalism, I hate democracy… should be an obvious no-no. I definitely want you out there sharing your strongly held beliefs, because that’s a huge part of who you are. But if every strongly held belief you have is disgust, you’re going to have a hard time dating. Heck, you’re probably having a hard time functioning, and I recommend you seek out some emotional support via therapy or another supportive modality.

There are more subtle ways that people convey negativity, though, and that’s why I’m bothering to write this post. Here are a few:

• I’m looking for a reason to delete this damn app.

• I’m not here for endless texting. Does anyone here actually want to meet in real life?!?

• If you seem too good to be true, you probably are.

• I’m done with the drama.

These are sentiments, not unlike the clichés, that are fine on the face of things. You don’t have to pretend that you’re overjoyed to be on a dating app or that you’re fine to text forever and not meet. You should have a healthy amount of skepticism if someone’s profile seems too good to be true. And you’re under no obligation to put up with any drama. But these are things you can think and not say. Or if it’s really important to you to say them, we can talk about ways that you can convey them that seem less negative, and maybe even downright charming.

Good luck out there!