What’s it like to work with you?

I like to believe that I’m a pretty chill hang! But seriously. I want this to be fun, or at least painless. That said, things can get pretty emotionally intimate and soul-baring, especially if you’re on an app like Feeld or Fetlife where you might want to be fairly explicit about your kinks and other sexual proclivities. No matter where our conversations take us, I am nonjudgmental, warm, caring, and kind, and I strive to make clients as comfortable as possible. Our work is a dialogue, part of which is regular check-ins about how you’re feeling as we go through this process.

Can you guarantee me dating success?

Absolutely not. I’m not a sorcerer, and even if I was, I wouldn’t use my powers to coerce unwitting women into dating you! We’re dealing with real live humans here, and we want them to have agency and autonomy. So, while it’s a bummer that even with my help,. you’re rolling the dice, it’s for the best, right?

Why is dating as a straight, nonmonogamous man so difficult?

It’s mostly a numbers game. In general, single women are more averse to dating partnered men than the other way around. This means your female partner has lots of options, while you are mostly dating within a pool of nonmonogamous women, who (as noted) have lots of choices! You’re also following in the footsteps of some portion of the male dating pool that behaves very badly. We women are on our guard around y’all generally, because misogyny exists and sometimes men are assholes. You’re not an asshole, I know. And it’s frustrating to be suspected of assholery! Rising above that frustration is all you can do.

My [insert non-cis-male gender identity] partner is also struggling. Will you help them too?

Yes, of course! My work is geared toward cis, hetero men because I think they need my help the most. But anyone who wants some support in the wild world of dating nonmonogamously is welcome here!

Needing this kind of help is so embarrassing!

First of all, that’s not a question. Second of all, does it help to know that you’re not alone? So many ENM men struggle to get even a nibble on dating apps. Frankly, I think that asking for help is something to be proud of, not embarrassed about. I hope you’ll come to see it that way too.

Will you write or edit something unrelated to dating or nonmonogamy for me?

Absolutely! Head on over to my freelance writing and editing website, freshstartwriting.com, to learn more about what I do.